Universe Has Friends Who Work At A Different Newspaper

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QUT Universe has held a media conference today to remind students that they do have friends, but all of them work at a different newspaper.

“Nah, yeah, we have social lives, but uhhh… you wouldn’t know any of our friends, trust us.

“And none of our friends have Facebook either, because they’re all really shy, even though they’re heaps cool,” the editors said.

When asked for their best friend’s name, the editors only muttered a few words, and hesitated before reporting it to be: “Meedee R. Conference”

The news came after a weekend of silence from Universe, causing many insiders to speculate on their sudden absence. Semper has reason to believe the editors have spent this time trying to hamfist the words “Guild” and “Epic” into articles for search engine optimisation.

At press time, the Universe editors were insisting they could call their mates up at any time, but most of them would be busy right now, so it’d have to wait till after the conference.